Remembering the way

Four months ago, I finished my first 50 mile run. After a solid couple weeks of recovery I went for a run and tore my calf. It took a long three months before my leg was any kind of runnable again. In that time, I fell apart. I gained nearly 15 pounds. I stayed in more than I went out. I constantly felt sick to my stomach which ultimately, naturally lead to feeling sick to my mind. When I cannot run, I feel trapped. Claustrophobic. Like I’ve got no options. I was depressed to a level I hadn’t seen before. I went and saw a therapist to talk through some things. It was obvious, medication was a must. That’s when I bought my new bike – In 2012, I had suffered something like 6 or so months with a mangled shin and it was triathlon that kept me alive. Getting in the pool and on the bike, staying off me feet but still finding the means to put all of me into something so rewarding. Triathlon taught me what it was like to be so much more than I thought I could be. Taught me there more options than I ever realized. Triathlon taught me how to be more motivated and disciplined than I ever knew. It had me feeling sharp, inspired, ready to work hard, not just in training, but in life. I’ve never been the fastest out there. Nor have I ever intended to be. The only thing I’ve ever wanted out of training and racing is to know I am out there at any given time being the best I can. When I was at a loss, three months ago, I thought back to a time something else saved me, and it happened again. The swims and rides with good friends, ultimately leading to getting my running legs back and then getting to spend more miles with more good friends. The swim and the bike have made their way back into my life and hopefully this time, for good. Tomorrow I will step to the line of my first triathlon in three years, almost to the month. I promise you I will not be the fastest out there tomorrow and that is okay. The reward in being out there will come simply in just being out there doing the best I can. An extremely valuable reminder that sometimes it takes the lowest of lows to help you find your highest highs.IMG_3108.jpg

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